


the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it

by queensinthenorth (infiniteaches)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Day 5: Wounds / Healing / Touch, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Major character death - Freeform, Movie: Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Past Abuse, Referenced-Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, ben solo deserves good things, heavy emphasis on the first and last of those, i wanted to explore the bond and ben's headspace during their final canon scene together, i'm so sorry honestly this is...pain, mostly musings on ben/anakin parallels and some soft reylo moments, so be aware of that, this is the writing equivalent of punching someone in the face and then running away and i am Sorry, unfortunately this is not a happy epilogue my loves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:14:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23953645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infiniteaches/pseuds/queensinthenorth
Summary: Rey's mouth tastes a little like blood and a little like starlight. This brief moment, with their mouths entangled and their bodies intertwined, is the most free he has felt in a very long time.He’s so happy he could die, he thinks.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 10
Kudos: 19
Collections: REYLO WEEK 2020





	the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :) this is something I wrote in an attempt to heal myself, post-TROS, and it ended up angstier than I had hoped, but it is what it is, I suppose. This is canon-compliant, so warnings for major character death and Ben's past canonical abuse, although that's just referenced, not explicit. Still, take care of yourselves if you think it might be triggering. 
> 
> The title is taken from Snow & Dirty Rain by Richard Siken, which is one of my favorite poems of all time! I hope this brief piece moves you, in some way.
> 
> You can find me screaming about Star Wars on twitter at @_sansastarks OR on my multifandom tumblr, bisexualsansastarks !

It’s fitting, somehow, that he will die doing what his grandfather could not: saving the woman he loves.

There is a voice in his head that sounds like dappled sunlight, if sunlight had a sound; it is young, teasing. It is a voice he has wanted and waited to hear his entire life. It says,

_ See? You are stronger than me, after all. _

Love, twisted and manipulated, had been the catalyst for Anakin’s downfall, and love, relentless and compassionate, had been the catalyst for Ben’s redemption. There is some catharsis, here, dying saving what he loves. Perhaps once upon a time, galaxies and light years away, he would have hoped for a happier ending, a softer epilogue, but—

—that was before Snoke. 

Since then, he has always known that the most likely way he would ever manage to be free of this pain was through death, and he resigned himself to that reality long ago. He is not surprised. He is not scared. He has had plenty of time to get used to the idea, years upon years of suffering, enough to make it seem like a desirable sort of escape. 

Above all, Rey is alive. It is enough. She is in his arms, whispering, _“Ben,”_ and it is more than he’d ever thought he would get to have. 

Ben is not good with spoken words; he prefers writing, if he has to use words at all, but that’s not really an option, here. Instead, he tucks Rey’s hair behind her ear like his father used to do for his mother when there was nothing left to say and they were tired of arguing, hoping he can communicate everything he feels with his eyes.

And then he remembers that it’s _Rey_ , half of his soul, and he has no strength to put up any walls, not now; she knows his every thought and intention, can feel it all through the bond as their hearts beat in sync. She is listening, and she is saying, _I know, Ben, I know_ , and it reverberates through his veins, and then she is kissing him. 

It’s soft and passionate and everything he had dreamed it would be, not at all how he’d pictured it and yet better, somehow, despite it all, because it is _her_ and it is _real_ , instead of just a hopeless fantasy tucked away in the depth of the ashes of his heart. 

They are exhausted and trembling and smell of smoke and sweat, and it is still everything to him; her small, strong hands cupping his face, sharing a tenderness they reserve for only each other, a tenderness they’ve never learned how to share with anyone else. Every nerve ending in both their bodies is firing; it’s a positive feedback loop of pleasure coursing through the bond, as close to genuine sparks as any human beings will ever get.

Rey’s mouth tastes a little like blood and a little like starlight. This brief moment, with their mouths entangled and their bodies intertwined, is the most free he has felt in a very long time. 

He’s so happy he could die, he thinks.

(And then he does.)


End file.
